Today as we were engaging in the usual morning chaos, it hit me. My babies are growing up, and FAST. I know, I know, we hear it and say it all the time. How fast it’s going, how much they’ve grown. But today it was really put into perspective for me just how much so, and it hit me like a freight train.
My oldest, who’s now four and a half, came into the kitchen fully clothed. I hadn’t dressed him, my husband didn’t either, so that left only one option. This little baby human child, who I could have sworn I only birthed last month, had not only picked out a crisp red tee shirt and black sweat pants, but he had ALSO somehow managed to get them on his body with zero help from mom or dad. Despite my surprise, I high fived him, complimented his outfit, and told him I was proud of him for getting dressed all on his own.
Before I even had a moment to digest this seemingly sudden independence from my oldest, something else happened. My middle child, who’s just over three, put on his own socks, BOTH of them. Mind you they were a little twisted, and the heel pouch was sitting more around the mid foot area, but both feet were covered with a sock. This itty bitty baby, who I thought was just learning to walk yesterday was growing right before my face. I doled out a second high five for my 3 year old and told him great job, I’m proud of you honey! Then I just sat there, looking at my two little baby boys, who I’m realizing are not “baby” boys anymore, feeling both happy and sad all at once.
My momma heart was so full knowing they’re learning and becoming such amazing people, watching how pleased they were with themselves. While that same momma heart was simultaneously breaking a little watching their independence blossom, realizing each day they’ll need me a teeny tiny bit less. I understand that’s the goal of parenting, to teach them how to be remarkable, self sufficient, independent, grown humans who don’t need their mommy. (There’s nothing cute about a grown person who has to phone home and ask how to turn on a stove.) So on the one hand, yay, parenting win! My kids are learning how to be people! On the other hand, it reminds me of the inevitable fact that one day, I will have to let go. And in that letting go, I will have to trust I’ve done all I can to prepare them.
While I’m aware that learning to dress themselves is one small step towards adulthood, and we will have a million more of these milestones to go before they’re ready to fly the nest, it’s still a step. It’s in these tiny moments that reality hits and I’m faced with the hard truth that though these are “my kids”, they are very much their own individual, autonomous people. And that makes me feel equal amounts of pride, and heartbreak.
