6 Things I Wish I Had Known About Postpartum

One of my main reasons for starting this page was to spread information about motherhood. Especially that which may not be so openly discussed. 

Many women, myself included, are in the dark about so many things postpartum until they’re experiencing it first hand. While I had a wealth of knowledge on strollers, infant safe sleep surfaces, carriers, diapers, and swaddles. I did not feel I was adequately prepared for the whirlwind that is postpartum. I hope that by sharing this I can help you feel more prepared for the road ahead. 

Now I know some of these things may sound scary. But I assure you my intention is not to instill fear! I think it’s far scarier to enter the world of the unknown with unrealistic expectations. And I promise, no matter how impossible things may seem, you will get through it!

I Would Feel Lonely, But I’d Never Be Alone

This one surprised me. My assumption while pregnant was that once I held my sweet baby, I would instantly be filled to the brim with love, security, and newborn bliss. 

While the love came on strong, so did many other emotions I was unaware I’d feel. With a baby nursing around the clock, I was rarely physically alone. But the loneliness crept in nonetheless. 

I felt like I was stuck in this foggy place yet the world around me carried on as usual. People checked in, sure. But it didn’t matter, I was the only one buried up to my neck in the newborn world. 

The night feedings were the loneliest. It’s natural for a newborn baby to wake every 2 hours to eat. What’s not natural is for a grown woman to suddenly begin sleeping in 1-2 hour incriminates throughout the night. And that’s provided she can actually fall back asleep after feeding. 

Exhausted, sitting in the dark trying not to wake my husband as the world slept. There were nights when rational thinking took a back seat and my exhausted mind felt like I was the only person on earth. 

My best advice here is to find other people who are in your shoes right now. I found some solid mommy friends through social media and sharing the bare bones of our postpartum lives with each other helped me so much! Even if you can’t get face to face with other moms, try and find an online postpartum support group. Emotional support is essential during this period!

Breastfeeding Is Natural, But May Be Extremely Difficult

Wow, I had no idea what hard work breastfeeding could be! I remember saying to a friend at 38 weeks pregnant “how hard can it really be? Put your boob in the baby’s mouth, and baby eats”. 

Oh how blissfully ignorant my former pregnant self was! 

Babies are born with the instinct to suckle, but not born with a perfect latch. Oh by the way, if you decide to breastfeed, the word “latch” is now a staple in your vocabulary. Nothing could have prepared me for how important and how complicated a latch could be. 

My first son had a shallow latch which unbeknownst to me can cause cracked, bleeding nipples so painful it would make labour seem like a breeze. 

My stomach would sink in agony every time he was  hungry. I hated feeding him, which resulted in a less that pleasant nursing experience and ultimately, one that was cut short. (Which is completely OK by the way, that’s a different story..) 

It was painful, uncomfortable, and what about this bond I’ve heard about? Breastfeeding did not feel like bonding to me, it felt like torture.

My second son came out with a seemingly perfect latch which made for a more enjoyable journey from the start. It just goes to show that every baby is different, and every experience is unique!

If you do plan to breastfeed, do not fear! There is plenty of help out there. Don’t be like me the first time around and suffer. Breastfeeding, when done correctly, should not be painful. If it is, seek out a local lactation consultant or find a breastfeeding support group! 

You’ll Wonder If It’s Possible To Die From Lack Of Sleep

I actually googled to see if you could die from sleep deprivation. Turns out its extremely rare, you’d have to be awake for like a month or longer. So no, you definitely will not die from this extreme exhaustion, but it may make life a lot more challenging. 

There may be times when you’ll have absolutely no idea how you’re going to be able to function on such little sleep. 

But those days won’t last forever. In fact it will be over so fast that when you look back it will be just a small fragment of your child’s life. Believe it or not you may actually miss these days, crazy I know. Moms, were gluttons for punishment. 

You’ll Sweat, A Lot

My first night home from the hospital I woke up to feed my son, and to my surprise I was soaked! And rather confused might I add. My initial thought was that I somehow spilled a glass of water in my bed. 

Or maybe, did I? No I couldn’t have, right? Did I pee myself?!

Upon further investigation I realized it was neither of those things. I was actually sweating from every part of my body. Sweating enough that I had soaked through the sheets. I immediately grabbed my phone and googled “is this normal?”  

Apparently yes, it’s very normal. Why didn’t anyone ever mention this? Are women really supposed to feel like even our sweat is a taboo topic? 

After giving birth our hormones shift dramatically. Sweating profusely just happens to be one of the many charming side effects of that. Women, we get all the good stuff, don’t we?

You May Still Look Pregnant For A While

Yay, baby is here! But wait, why does it still look like I have a watermelon in my uterus? 

This is that fateful moment when you realize you may need to hang onto those maternity jeans for a little longer. My OB told me to make sure I packed maternity clothes to wear home from the hospital. So many women expect to be able to wear regular clothing once the baby is out. No baby=no bump, right?

Not exactly. Its perfectly normal to still look pregnant or at least “bloated” for several months postpartum. 

Girl you just made a person, give that body some time, and lots of rest!

You do not need to “bounce back”, I cannot stress this enough.

You May Get Angry

This one is something that really caught me off guard. I had read plenty of stories about postpartum depression. But not once had anyone told me about the anger you could feel. Maybe its not discussed because moms find it difficult to admit that they aren’t always the nurturer, not always the “soft”, safe place. We can get angry, really angry. 

If there’s one thing I really wish I had been told about postpartum, this would be it. Because this is the part of postpartum that filled me with the most consuming guilt. How on earth could I be so angry with my life, my husband, with this sweet baby? 

To this day I feel guilty for some of the things I said during the really long nights. Every morning I’d look at my husband and tell him I didn’t mean it, which he already knew. But I still needed to say the words out loud, perhaps to convince myself.

“I don’t want him”. -I said that once. And I’m so upset with myself for it. No part of me meant it, and in a way it wasn’t me saying it, or at least not a “me” that I had ever known.

It was an exhausted, delirious, scared, new mom who wasn’t  sure about this whole thing. The anger made me believe that I had made a mistake. A new mother should feel many things, but anger isn’t one of them. This was the universe aligning to confirm what I was afraid of. I didn’t have that mysterious “thing” that it took to be a good mother. The maternal instinct. 

But then one day I stumbled across an article about something I had never heard of, “postpartum rage”.  

It turns out I’m not actually a horrible person. And what I had been feeling and the reactions I had been having were normal. Other moms feel this too, it’s not just me, and it’s not just you. 

There are so many hormonal shifts going on within your body right now. On top of that, your entire life as you’ve always known it has changed forever. It has changed for the better, sure. But your feelings are valid. And they are very normal.

Let me Be Clear Here..

I am the furthest thing from a doctor. My intent behind sharing my experience with you is to help you see that you aren’t alone. If you are experiencing symptoms of postpartum mood disorders, contact your doctor and find support. Just because these feelings are normal, it doesn’t mean you have to suffer silently with them.  There is help available. Please reach out, you are never alone. 

PSI- Postpartum Support International

This is an international organization available 24/7. They have a hotline to call. And a number to text and get in touch with a real person. They can also assist you in finding postpartum support in your area.

Full disclosure- I have actually texted this hotline when I was looking for help. I can say from my experience, this is an incredible and necessary resource.

https://www.postpartum.net